Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
