I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
