I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
