He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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