i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
