So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
