i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
