thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
