I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
