Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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