he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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