I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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