a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I look better un-naked...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
