I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
