Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Two words: nipple clamps
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