I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
