you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
