Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
