i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
