Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
