i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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