Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
