Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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