dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
