remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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