it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
