I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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