He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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