Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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