I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
