My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
