So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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