my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
