he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
