Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
