Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
