you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
