imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
