My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
