We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
