It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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