Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
