He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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