Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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