I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
pray to the hookup gods
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
