Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
