Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
