Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
