but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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