i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
