Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
