I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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