They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
